2013

I try in this blog, to provide readers with something thoughtful.  But this blog is very much a personal free association about the new year
 
2013 should be a very interesting year for me

My son graduates from high school and will be heading off to college in the fall.  My house  is finally getting a much-needed update to the interior, with new carpet and new paint.  And most importantly, I think this is the year that I have to decide what I'm actually going to do with the rest of my life.
I have applied for disability and it is obvious to me that it's becoming something that is more and more necessary in my life.  The funny thing is that I am less interested in the money than  in the insurance.  Obamacare is a good first step, but it isn't the universal healthcare every other civilized country has.  Yeah yeah, I know this is a political hotbed, but when you have a chronic illness which threatens to not only cripple you, but bankrupt you as well, it's a lot less political and a lot more practical.  I actually hung up on a bill collector yesterday.  What's a bill collector doing calling on New Year's Eve, anyway?
Last night I had a dream that I was looking out of a window of a tall building at an incredibly blue body of water.  There are people in the water watching me as I took picture of it.  They turned to look at me and I saw that they were two of my old supervisors.  They didn't wave or say anything, just saw me taking a picture.  Because my sleep is so disrupted, I have a harder time recounting my dreams than I did in the past, so when I do remember dreams, they seem pretty significant to me.  I'm not sure what it means yet, but something about just observing and very blue water and the presence of two of my old mentors that seems to be a message for me.
This year is a six year for me in numerology years, if you buy into that sort of thing.  The numerology year six is a cleaning out year.  It's a year for getting rid of extraneous physical things, relationships which no longer work, or thought processes which hold you back from moving forward.
Wayne Dyer says everyone has automatic negative thoughts or ANTs.  So this is my year for killing ants.
Ants are so automatic that we often don't even recognize them.  So the first step is recognizing them.  That's the first of my New Year's resolution.  Recognizing my ANTs...
Here in brief, is psychotherapy in four acts.  Act one: you're walking down the street and fall into a hole.  Act two: You walk down the street , see the hole, but fall into it anyway.  Act three: You walk down the street, see the hole, and walk around it.  Act four: You walk down a different street.
Recognizing your ANTs is the same as realizing that you're falling into the hole.  So this is the year for recognizing what's holding me back from whatever future I'm supposed to go into.
What are your ANTs?  Or if you prefer, what hole are you going to quit falling into?