The grieving process

Hello again My life as an upside down as my house is being painted, so I'm sort of out of my regular routine.  I will try to get back to this blog more frequently in the future.
One of my clients this is really great kid I have been seeing since she was a senior in high school.  She got a full scholarship to a college out of state, but she comes to see me when she is back in town.  She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder way back in high school.  She just now, three years later, has begun to accept the diagnosis.
Multiple sclerosis and bipolar disorder have little in common, but they  both share the label of chronic illness.  I can only imagine what it is like a go through life with a mental illness that is so misunderstood and has so much stigma attached.  But I can well understand the feelings involved in knowing that you are stuck with this illness forever.
Coming to terms with the finality of any situation, be it the loss of a loved one, a house fire, or accepting a diagnosis of any sort, requires a massive change in your worldview. It requires that you go through the grieving process.
The grieving process is also fairly misunderstood.  Years ago Elisabeth Kubler Ross, who was a gentle and wonderful woman and a genious in her own right, identified and outlined a process of grieving based on what she saw in her work in a hospice.  I don't think she ever meant this to be true, but it has come to be seen as almost a recipe for grief.  It's like, "If I'd just go through the steps, I will be okay".  But the grieving process is much more of a map  toward acceptance and it is a recipe.
My client initially did not accept her diagnosis and was determined to not be on medication.  I remember several times where I decided that my MS was just a one time thing, and that I would be just fine without going on long-term medication.  This is denial...which ain't just a river in Egypt...  Denial is always the first step in the grieving process.  Denial serves a useful purpose of keeping us from having to be incapacitated by the other steps in the grieving process.  It gives us time to shore up our resources and learn how to live in this new world.
Denial is very complicated.  There is denial of the fact: it's just not true at all.  There is denial of permanency: it may be true, but it won't stay true.  There is denial of impact: it is true, it will stay true, but it won't change my life in any way.  And finally denial of emotional impact: it's true, it's going to stay true, my life will significantly change, but I  really don't care.  I live quite nicely in the third and fourth levels most of the time.  But when I pop out of them, that's when I'm doing the real work of grief.  But boy oh boy, am I glad that denial is there.
My client came out of denial for a bit.  She knows she has bipolar disorder.  She knows she has it for the rest of her life.  She knows that she absolutely will have to take medication and be aware of how she is acting in feeling, and now she is ready to go through the grieving process in little bits and pieces.
I will talk more about the rest of the process tomorrow.
Right now I just want to be in denial!
Oh yeah, I should tell you about my new shoes.  I had never heard them before, but I was reading about the best shoes for someone with MS. There was a a recommendation to try something called rocker sole shoes.  So I got a pair and they are sort of amazing!  They make you walk with the heel to toe motion.  My husband said I look almost normal when I am wearing them!  I think all of my shoes will have rocker soles in the future!
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