Intersubjectivity

Intersubjectivity is our experiences of one another
It isn't possible for us to understand ourselves without understanding how other people see us. Intersubjectivity is an integral part of what I do in therapy.  Very frequently people come to therapy with a distorted image of themselves and a distorted image of other people as well.  Everyone has an internal working model of the world.  It is a way of looking at the world, ourselves, and other people that guides our behaviors and our feelings.  Most people have an internal working model in which they see themselves as a good person, the world as a safe and caring place, and other people as caring and responsive.  We developed this internal working model largely through our experiences with our caregivers.  Intersubjectivity is also responsible for creating and maintaining our internal working model.
When a client comes to me with a belief that they are bad people and that the world is a bad and scary place, my experiences and sharing of those experiences of them and their experiences of me are a crucial part of changing that negative internal working model. I always say that a very large part of what I do is to let people know how wonderful and important they are.  They need to know that there is a safe place for them to share and they need to know that someone will listen and really attempt to understand their viewpoints.  This is a lot harder than it sounds.  I must unconditionally accept everyone or it won't work. That means accepting and understanding that negative working model first. You can't get someone else out of the hole unless you are willing to go into the hole yourself!
My own internal working model, although it has been challenged by my multiple sclerosis, has also been something that carries me through the rough patches.  I believe that I am a good person who is capable and competent.  Although I may not be capable doing some of the things I used to, I am capable to choose how to manage myself in a different body.  That is why sometimes, I don't want help if I  fall.  The other day I fell down in the vestibule of the gym where work out.  I was capable of pulling myself up by the door handles.  But at least two people came and tried to pull me up.  Actually the one guy did pull me up.  This was a gym after all! And while I do appreciate it, in some ways, it takes away my sense of being capable of taking care of myself. Perhaps this is selfish, but I do not want people to see me as someone who does not know how to take care of myself.  Now don't get me wrong, there are times where I really do need help and have no qualms about asking for it.  My internal working my model of the world is that it is safe and caring place.  So intersubjectively, I believe that you are a caring person who does not like to see people get hurt and I appreciate that.  So please, understand me and others who may be struggling, as a person who does not want to give up any more of my sense of being a capable person.  Pity does that, empathy does not.
Becoming handicapped is scary because I know that people see handicapped people as objects of pity and helplessness. Please believe that handicapped  people are no different than you just because they look different from you.  I want the same dignity and respect as anyone else. 
Intersubjectivity is how you experience me and I experience you.  This can only be changed through interacting with each other.  Why you just reading this, you are gaining an understanding of me and I hope that you will get an understanding of what it's like to be someone who is different from you and yet exactly the same as you.