Change

Have you made your New Year's resolutions yet?
Making a resolution denotes  a choice to change something in your life that you think will somehow make your life better and more comfortable.  Lose those last 10 pounds...  work out more often... donate more money to the poor....
But, I think that the changes that truly make a difference in our lives are not necessarily ones that we cognitively decide to make.  The changes that really make a difference are usually the ones that we don't decide to make on our own.  It's the unexpected challenges in our lives  that are more likely to result in a lasting change.
I didn't decide to get MS.  This was a change that was unexpected and outside of my ability to choose.  I will never jubilantly state, "This year I am going to get MS!"....  But this is a change in my life that allows me to make a choice about how I'll manage myself.  Every moment of every day for everyone, changes occur  whether we like it or not.  And in every moment of every day, whether we choose those changes or not, provides us with an opportunity to decide how we're going to respond to those changes.  I think those choices and resolutions are much more important than the resolutions we make at the beginning of the year!
When having MS creates a new and interesting challenge, I get to decide what my reaction will be.  Emotions occur following a thought.  If I think, "my life is so crappy because of MS" (which would not be an unusual thought for me) the emotions that follow will be anger, self-pity, sadness....  These emotions are just energy passing through my body and when they occur, I get to decide how to respond to them.  I can decide to change my thought from, "my life is so crappy because of MS", to " MS does some crappy things in my life, but my life is not crappy because of it".  And then I can also decide how to respond to those thoughts and feelings.  I can choose to lay into bed and pout about how unfair life is, or it could have a temper tantrum, or it could remember the positive things about my and think about all the things I can still do.
I have already recounted the positive things about having a chronic illness.  But the most positive change is much more subtle than getting good parking!  A positive change has been an opportunity to  choose a joyful disposition about the world.  I am not trying to be anybody's role model or some kind of an inspiration.  I'm just trying to make my life worthwhile and meaningful for myself.  I think that this is a goal for everybody, or it would be nice if it was, so I am just doing what I would be anyway.  I'm just having to find creative ways to do it!
So I am choosing to see this challenge as a rare opportunity to find new meaning in my life and in the world.  Would  I choose to have MS again if I could?  Probably not.  But would I choose the lessons I learned because of MS?  Definitely.
Now in the meantime, I resolved to blog more often!