Helping

People are very willing to help
Research shows that people are wired to want to be connected to each other.  We need one another for survival.  And most people actually feel very good about being helpful.  I always appreciate when someone wants to help me.  Very simple things like opening a door or picking things up when I dropped them are actually very invaluable to me.  Anything that can keep me from having to use up the limited energy I have to work, with means I can go just a tad longer before I have to sit and regain my ability to move!
Here are some things you should know when you're helping. 

When I am leaving the gym, please make sure I am not leaning on the door to help me stand up before you think that yanking it open farther will be helpful to me.  I can't really speak for other people with handicaps, but for me sometimes if I am already pushing against a door, and I don't realize that someone is going to try to help me by pushing it for me, I will fall!  When people say, " Can I get that for you?", it gives me an opportunity to regain my balance before the door stops being something I can't use for stability!
There are times where I could use some assistance across the street or to walk to my car.  I appreciate when people offer to lend me an arm to help me walk.  But sometimes people want to grab onto me and hold me up.  This is very unhelpful not only because it does not help me to balance, but because it makes me feel little infantile!  If you are helping handicapped person to walk somewhere with them arm in arm, just hold you arm  arm  very still and let the other person hold on to you as if you are a cane.  Also, try to go a little slower, but don't slow way down.  I will keep pace with you if you are stable enough.  When you slow down, I slow down.  You will just keep getting slower and slower until we are at a standstill.

Another thing is when I fall, I definitely appreciate  help!  But please don't just extend a hand and think that I can grab on and pull myself up!  If you do, then expect me to put my full body weight on your extended arm because my legs don't have the strength to push me up.  I am  using my arm strength to get my feet out from underneath me.  You would be better off, to get on your hands and knees and pretend you are a bench or chair so I can lean on you.  Since this is  usually not very practical, give me both of your hands and brace yourself!  You are going to get all the weight of my body plus the force that I am going to exert on your arms. This is not a small amount of weight! Actually what would be most helpful, is for you to pick up my stuff, and help you get somewhere where I can lean on something.  If there is nothing around, give me a lot of space because I can get up on my own if there is enough room.  It's not pretty, but I can do it.  Some people get really insulted that I won't just grabbed their arm and pull myself up.  Believe me, it's not because I am a germaphobe or don't appreciate you.  It's just that I would like to see us both be on our feet and if I try to use your arm, I will pull you down!
It is always a good idea to ask people if you can help them.  I know that I will let you know if I could use some help.  Sometimes it is not obvious what kind of help I want, but if you ask me I will say "you know, I really could use some help to..."  even if it seems obvious what I want or need, it may be something else entirely that would be more useful.  Of course, sometimes I just want to do it myself because I am so damn stubborn.  Sometimes when people feel like you're helping them too much you might be taking away a little of their dignity.

If you are pushing someone in a wheelchair, make sure that you are aware of where they want to go and what they want to do.  My mom and sister and I do a girls weekend getaway once a year.  I try to rent or borrow a wheelchair for the trip so that we can do stuff and I don't have to walk everywhere.  Both my mother and my sister are really good wheelchair pushers.  But one time, we were at a flea market and my sister got distracted by something on one of the tables.  She let go of the chair to look at something and didn't realize that I was still moving.  I didn't realize that she had let go!  I noticed we were going toward a ditch and wondered aloud why she was going in that direction!  I  started going a little faster and I realize I'm in a freefall!  Fortunately I wasn't going too fast to stop myself and was able to wheel myself back up to where she was.  The lesson is, please pay attention to the person in the chair!  It's easy to just think about pushing the chair and not about the person you're pushing. But I have things I want to see and do also.  I will let you do what you want to do, but please asking if there is somewhere or something that I'd like to do as well.
So don't quit trying to help.  It helps me and it helps us both to feel connected to one another.  After all we all are connected at a cellular level!  But that's another topic !
I will  Talk to you later.