Grad school...not yet

I know yesterday I left off leaving for Michigan, but I had a couple of more thought about the hospital.  I pooh-pooh that job a little, but I actually learned a lot about being a therapist, boundaries and client/therapist relationships.
The adolescent and adults shared a floor but an opposite sides.  It was only a problem when we would have the rare 18/10 year old who had designs on the cute adolescent girls.  Otherwise, it was good for me since I had exposure to all ages.
The kids,and sometimes the adult,could ask to have "one on one" with any of the line staff (Psych techs or nurses).  It was always interesting and I definitely learned how anything you say can be seen in both positive or negative ways.  Plus, you can't take anything personally.
People will react to you as what you represent to them or how they see you, which very often has nothing to do with the reality of who you are.  These are pics of me from that time so you can see how really young I looked

My mom used to say I looked like Alice in wonderland and thought like Barbara Walters

I was obviously not going to work, but even cleaned up I looked pretty young and fairy cute (oh to be that skinny again)  Here is why this was relevant.  The adults didn't take me or what I said seriously and the kids saw me as an equal at best and a rival as worst.  The young girls didn't look at me and see angst or self-doubt or feelings of inferiority.  I was someone who would take their boyfriends or who would snub them or not include them or put them down.  The boys saw the girl who was out of reach or who they could put the moves on

In the world of psychology this projection- seeing what you want to see or what you believe rather than the reality.  The relationship that develops can take that projection farther and create transference.  So you project your own ideas onto the object (in this case, me) and then transfer your way of relating to that type of object into the relationship with the object.

Sp if the girls saw me as a potential rival ,they would treat me angrily or call me names or just ignore me.  Some (okay, a lot) saw me as a dumb blonde and treated me with contempt.  a few saw me as a rolemodel- a young women finished with college, living on her own with a room mate and a boyfriend and cool clothes (I also worked at a store for extra money and those clothing discounts!)

Although I didn't 100% realize it at the time, finding alternative ways of relating to these kids provided them with an opportunity to change their ideas about the object they created with their projections.  As they changed their perceptions of me, they could also change their behaviors and their relationships.  At least that was supposed to happen!

So the big deal lesson here is to never assume that people will respond to you as you present yourself, no matter how transparent you think you are,  People will always filter you through their own experiences.

There were other lessons, too.  People will cling stubbornly to beliefs no matter how you say things and you have to be willing to allow this. You can't take lack of progress personally.  Having boundaries is not only therapeutic, it is vital for survival.  The first rule of therapy is, the therapist survives.

Here I leave off again and next time, I'm definatly going to Michigan!