Hello again

Here's something to know about me.  When I disappear for a long while, it is because I get into a low place.  Not depression, because I still able to function and do what I need to do,  Ie,  change my self talk, distract myself, etc. I can's say that just chucking it all and leaving the planet hasn't crossed my mind, but there are just too many things to consider and by the time I do consider them all, the idea has passed.  Plus that Dorothy Parker poem plays in my head and I realize it would be too messy for the people who would have to clean it up.

For reference the poem is:  Razors pain you.  Rivers are damp.
                                           Acids stain you.  Drugs cause cramp.
                                            Guns aren't lawful.  Nooses give.
                                           Gas smells awful  Might as well live.

Here are the thoughts that put me in a low place.  "I am a burden.  I am worthless.  No one would miss me.  I am lazy and sort of dim..."  You get the picture.  The other thought that makes me feel like a big steamy dog turd is "If you were a stronger person, you could follow a diet/exercise plan, and you would have more energy, walk better, be less fatigued etc...

These last few thoughts are particularly harmful and soul sucking.   These thought are called "victim blaming" or even "victim shaming."

Here's the deal. I have and am taking supplements including iron, vitamins D and B.  I go to yoga, physical therapy, and weight training.  I do as much aerobics as I can.  My diet could be better because, even though I have not eaten red meat since I was 25, I still like the occasional chocolate bar or a Culver's concrete mixer  (in lieu of Ted Drew's or , better yet, a Junior delight from Central Dairy in Jefferson City).  Despite my best efforts, I am still a good 30 lbs. over weight, and, oh yeah I still have MS and it is slowly progressing the way MS does.

Every time someone tells me that I should try the Wahl's protocol or go gluten free, or eat Paleo, I am being told that MS is my fault.  I know it is well meaning, 100% of the time.  But, I have heard of these diets.  I have seen Terry Wahl's TED talk touting her miracle diet for curing MS and pretty much everything else that ails you.

What I have not seen, however, is empirical evidence validating that these diets will have a similar effect on everyone who tries them.  The only research I've seen regarding the Wahl's protocol is that, in a very small clinical trial, there was on overall improvement in the subjects subjective sense of fatigue.  This is a giant leap away from being a cure.

Now, I am not saying that diet does not play a huge   our health, but it is one piece in a ginormous puzzle that creates wellness.

And sometimes a disease happens because you got dealt a shitty hand.

Be aware that if I knew for sure that some particular diet would "cure" me, I would be all over it like a cheap suit, but until I hear the news from a well developed clinical trial, I am not willing to make my life more difficult and less enjoyable for the off chance hat I may experience some minor alleviation in one area.  Until, then, I will do the best I can with what I have, from where I'm at, and I will call out myself and others when they unwittingly blame me for not being cured with diet.