A word about lying...

The truth shall set you free; the lantern looking for an honest man; George Washington and the cherry tree...  Telling the "Truth" has become something of great value and personal pride.  But show me a person who says they always tell the truth and I will show you someone who is either lying or has Asperger's Syndrome.

In order to lie, we must have a theory of mind.  That is, you must understand that my mind knows things yours does not.  I tell parents that a child's first lie is a thing to celebrate.  This is  a major developmental milestone.  The child has realized that he or she is a separate individual.  Saying "I ate my broccoli" when the kids knows it is under the napkin or inside of the dog, means they understand that you cannot see inside of their mind.  

Telling kids that they will get in more trouble for lying about what they did than the actual  thing that they did, is simply creating more successful liars.  Kids want to please their parents.  They will lie to avoid getting into trouble and disappointing them.  Sure, the don't want to lose their DS for the day, but disappointing their parents holds more weight.  Most parents try to get kids to tell the truth by trapping them.  They ask "Did you brush you teeth?" knowing that the kids toothbrush has dust and cobwebs growing on it.  The kid doesn't want to stop watching Cartoon Network so will say that they did.  The parent will yell at them for not bushing their teeth and for lying about it.  Rather than break down and confess, the kid will dig in their heels and go for broke.  What the kid learns is , they have to be sneakier in how they concoct their story. 

Parents:  If you know the answer to the question, just make a statement.  "Please go brush you teeth". Don't set the kid up to lie because you will be disappointed and think you are raising the next Tony Soprano.

Also, for teenagers, the opposite of lying is not being truthful. The opposite of lying is arguing. Kids will lie to avoid arguing.  The answer to the question "Will an adult chaperone be involve?" is almost always "Yes" because kids don't want to argue about why they should be able to go to the party even if there is no chaperone.

All this to say that,  yes.   Yes, I did put the hole in the ceiling of the parsonage.  I did not tell the truth because a) I didn't want to admit that I was so stupid and b) I did not want to argue about consequence.  My sister was on the color guard in the band one year.  She was a flag girl and learned to twirl and manipulate the long flag poles..  I though they were cool and, since I was in the orchestra (you can't march with a cello), I just thought I'd try it out right there in the hall where she left it.  Physic and spatial relations require math and I chose not to waste precious neurons on math.  So I did not bother to calculate how far the flag pole would reach as I launched it over my head. Hello ceiling.  This is flag pole.  Oops. 

The other thing to know about lying, is that it is extremely easy to make eye contact if you are really determined to make the lie stick.  Why the idea that liars don't make eye contact has made its way into common wisdom is beyond me.  It's sort of like trickle down economics or standardized testing  as a way to tell how well kids are doing.  Someone just decided it sounded good and no one questioned it. (Some things then become political lies, and political lies are a whole other category)

I would like to believe that no one ever asked me about the hole in the ceiling.  I would like to believe that I just made a sin of omission rather than commission.  However, I am pretty sure I remember my mom asking me about the hole and looking her directly in the eye with a straight face and saying no...and possibly blaming it on Billy, although I think everyone just assumed he must have done it because it would have been typical of him.  I apologize to Billy's memory, although I'm pretty sure he would not have cared if he was blamed.

One thing I can honestly say is that, while in high school I never got drunk or used any substances. I did not go all the way with a boy till much later, either. One of the kids I used to work with told me he thought I was the kind of girl who lost her virginity on prom night her senior year.  I assure that that this is not true since my senior prom date preferred a different body type, if you know what I mean...I left high school with my honor intact.

 And, to this day, I have never smoked a tobacco cigarette.  Although, I did smoke a cigar once at a poker game in college,.  Does that count?