The Crucial "C's"

The Crucial "C's"

There are many reasons to hate being in the hospital.  Everyone tells you need to rest, but they come to your room  every 10 minutes to check your vital signs. They make you wear that hideous gown with the open back so everyone can see your full moon. And every doctor ask you the  same questions every time they do an examination.  But, for me the main reason I hate being in the hospital has something to do with the crucial "C's".

I was having some problems with my duration and stamina and in recovering after becoming worn out . I was also ( embarrassingly enough) , having some major leakage problems, if you know what I mean .So I called my neurologist to see if I could  get an appointment in the next few days. when I told him about my symptoms and he heard about the leakage problem, he told me he was concerned enough for me to go to the emergency room.

I really should have said no because I honestly didn't feel it warranted an emergency room visit .  However,  being the obedient girl that I am, I went .  They took a urine sample, which made sense, and they ordered an MRI which I thought was sort of overkill , but then they told me they were going to admit me and that felt like, not only overkill , but extreme murderous overkill. That's when I should've said no.

Instead, I put on the hideous gown , had the MRI, and let myself get checked in .  I was put onto the neurology ward next to a lady with Alzheimer's who kept screaming for someone to come and fix her blanket. I was labeled a falling risk and given some ugly yellow slippers with rubber soles and told not to get out of bed unless I called the nurse to help me .They also put these electronic leg massagers n me to avoid blood clots since I "don't walk very much". I kept telling them that I do a mile on the elliptical machine every day, but they just nodded and smile and looked condescending. 

 The crucial "C's" are personality attributes which everyone needs in order to feel confidence in the world .  These are courage, capable, connect , and count .  We all need to feel that we have the courage to be to face situations in our lives.  We Need to feel that we are capable of conquering  those situations .  We need to feel connected to other people in our world,  and we need to feel that we count and that we matter.  (As an aside, I actually have a Bachelor's degree n music, and while I do nothing with it, I did use my "musical ability" to create a neumonic device for myself and set the crucial "C's" to Row, Row, Row your Boat.)

 Being in the hospital took away every one of my crucial "C's".   Although I tried to be courageous, my safety nets were unavailable for me .  I had  grabbed my phone and Kindle when going to the ER,  I  did not grab the charger for either one   as I didn't know I was staying the all night.  It  took away my sense of connection to others. I definitely did not feel capable of even being able to walk to the bathroom by myself .  And when no one really listens to you and talks to other people as if you are not there, it is hard to feel as if you matter .

 The hospital employees were perfectly lovely and even the doctors were very nice and gracious to me . but it is hard to make up for the fact that you're reduced to being someone needy whose symptoms are more important than your personality .  And did I mention the fact that everyone could see my ass every time I stood up?   Dignity doesn't start with a C, but it is just as crucial in order to feel like a worthwhile person.

Although it is one of the crucial "C's"  I am very aware of my need to  feel competent.  Feeling capable means you feel able to do something.  But feeling competent means you feel you can do it well.   I think I have spent me whole life proving to myself that I am competent. Nothing like that ass-exposing-no-one-listening-disconnected experience to strip away any semblance of competency. 

Needless to say, by the time the neurologist saw me and declared that I could leave I was ready to mutiny and leave AMA (against medical advice) if they asked me to stay another night. 

So next time you are feeling anxious or just off, check  you crucial "C's" and adjust accordingly.


Here's the neumonic device

To the tune of  Row, Row, Row your Boat.

Courage, capable connect and count.
Cucial "C's" Crucial "C's".
We need a large amount