rewriting

I accidently deleted a blog I spent all morning writing!  That is the kind of thing that I do it makes me so incredibly angry! 
It wasn't saying anything spectacularly wonderful but I still don't want to have to re-write the entire thing and now I am wondering whether what was saying was  anything worthwhile anyway.  The ironic thing is that I was writing about depression and being able to override the anhedonia (or lack of enjoyment in life), and the feeling of being so unmotivated.  The other ironic thing is that anger is very motivating and energizing so I will try again to write about depression and try to say something worthwhile.

Did you know that 41% of people with multiple sclerosis suffer from some form of depression.  This is partially because the having the illness and dealing with all of the struggles.  It is also partially because of physiological changes in the brain.  Due to the plaques and the scarring the brain is less able to produce serotonin or to transmit serotonin between neurons.  Physiological depression is more difficult to override than situational depression.
Therapy and mental illness are highly misunderstood.  When I meet new people and I tell them what I do I frequently have people say something to me like "I'd better watch what I say to you"!  The fact that people say that at all is actually diagnosable, but I generally don't spend a lot of time thinking about other people's mental or emotional difficulties if they aren't in therapy with me.
Actually, I think that everyone could benefit from going to therapy at least a few times.  No matter how healthy you think you are, there are always things that shaped our behavior.  We all have our memes, or entrenched belief systems that may or may not be accurate in therapy can help you to uncover these things and be more present in your life.
Depression is a continuum.  The depression that I struggle with is very mild.  The kid that I write about on this blog sometimes is not on the far end of the continuum on the other side, believe it or not.  He functions.  He goes to work and is able to get out of bed in the morning and do what he needs to do.  People with the most severe depression can't even get out of bed in the morning.  They are overwhelmed by sadness and hopelessness. They see suicide is a viable option to end the sadness and pain.  These are the people who need medications the most!  Most people with depression fall somewhere in the middle.  These are the people who can benefit the most from therapy and who may or may not benefit from medications. These are the people who need to learn how to think different thoughts and change behaviors in order to keep from being overwhelmed by negativity.

I started this blog in order to feel that I can give  people some insight into what it's like to have MS.  I also started it in order to battle the very things that sometimes keep me from doing it! This blog keeps me feeling that I remain relevant, and this keep me from feeling overwhelmed by thoughts that I am worthless because I can do what I used to do.  So here is my blog.  Well written or not, it is as much for me and my sanity as it is for imparting any knowledge.

I started the blog that I deleted with this thought.  I am not a real writer.  Real writers write.  They see a blank page and they want to fill it with their thoughts.  They know how to share those thoughts encrypted in wonderful prose or in poetry.  They know how to arrange the words into pleasing sentences in such a way as to grab the reader's attention and convey their messages  so that people will want to read them.  I am trying to arrange my words and my thoughts on the page so that you will want to read them.
I hope that you will continue to read it and that I won't delete any more of them on accident!