I wrote this in order to apply to be an MS Ambassador for the MS foundation, but then I got derailed by the Shingles and missed the deadline for this round.  I am keeping it just in case another opportunity presents itself.


I have been diagnosed with MS for almost 20 years.  I am waiting for the day when the years that I have been living with MS out number the years without.    There are times when I don't think about it, and I am just a person going about my day.  But so much of my day is impacted by my diagnosis, that it is getting harder and harder to slip into a comfortable level of denial and feel normal.

I think about MS in terms of what I can and cannot do in a normal day.  My initial symptoms were common sensory disturbances:  Hearing loss, dizziness, optic neuritis.  Now, I am most impacted by my difficulty walking and becoming easily fatigued.  No more long trips to the mall or walks down the block to the convenience store for milk.  My thoughts are always on where and when I can sit down and, for God's sake where's the bathroom!

I enjoyed reading about the phenomenal people with MS who manage symptoms with macrobiotic vegan diets and long yoga sessions.  I become inspire to change my own diet or twist my body into unusual poses while keeping my mind perfectly still.  But it isn't long until I'm looking for the television remote control while reaching for a plate of full fat chocolate chip cookies.  I feel guilty and then I forgive myself for being a regular person.

I have been a helper for my whole life.  I come from a long line of clergy people and missionaries.  I was taught that it is better to give than receive.  I now find myself on the receiving end more and more often.  I need help standing up after a fall.  I need help carrying things to my car.  I need help opening doors, making dinner, cleaning my house.  And I forgive myself for not being able to come up with a fancy way to be self sufficient.  I forgive myself for being a regular person.

I want to be an MS Ambassador because I am a regular person.  I want to let people know that they are all doing the best they can with what they have from where they are and it is okay to not have the perfect diet or spend 8 hours a day in the gym.  It is okay to be a regular person.

Although I have not been able to formal MS awareness activities, I try to live my life everyday, embodying dignity and realness.  I try to be someone who make the world a nicer place in which others exist.  I keep my sense of humor about myself.  I appreciate other people for just being human. I want to be able to bring self-acceptance and joy to other people trying to be more than their diagnosis. I want them to know it is okay to forgive themselves for needing help or for barely making t the fridge let alone preparing a healthy meal.  It is okay to be just a regular person, living an ordinary life.  Managing MS on a daily basis makes you extraordinary enough!