It is really hard to think of interesting topics for this blog. 

Every time I think I have something interesting to say,  I realize that I don't have much more than a sound bite. Or I realize that someone else has said the same thing only a million times better.  Byron Katie ( yes that is her name) wrote in her book Loving What Is, "There are no new thoughts".  I kinda think that's true.  There are no new thoughts, just more interesting ways to say them.

So today I am writing random thought.  It is appropriate because I am at such a crossroads in my life and it seems as if everyday brings some new random desire or idea.  So here goes:

This is not free association.  True free association is thinking of a word, and then saying whatever word pops out next even if it makes no sense  Somewhere in your brain there is a neural connection.  I may have this wrong, but I think Freud said being able to free associate is a sign of mental health.

I am trying to eat better.  I can be a true sweets junkie if I let myself.  It has not been unusual to have two six packs of Oreos, a half a bag of bubble gum supposedly for my gum ball machine, and five pieces of chocolate while waiting for a client at my office.  I eat pretty healthy at home and I am not a fan of fast food, but show me a bag of Jelly Bellys and I am like a dog in a meat market.  So I have forbidden myself from eating in my office and so far so good.  One week down, the rest of my life to go.

I have been missing my kid since he left for college two weeks ago. There are both pros and cons to being an empty nester.  It is a heck of a lot quieter.  (Pro)  There is less laundry (Pro).  There is less of a mess in the kitchen (pro), but there is no one to help with the dishes (Con) The dog is sleeping in our bed (serious con).   There is less of certain types of food around; no soda, chips, certain cereals (Pro and con!)  Actually, when I think about it, it is all a con 'cause I just miss having him around, but I think eventually it will all be okay. 


I am  going to be  volunteering at a hospice.  I think this will eventually be significant fodder for the blog.  Stay tuned. ( I used the word eventually twice in a row.  I need to expand my vocabulary).

Just had a sneezing attack.  I sneeze like my father. Serious explosions followed by ranting and cursing about how much I hate sneezing.  However, he has me on the volume.  Dad's sneezes can be recorded on the Richter scale and once I think he even knocked his armchair backward onto the floor!  Or maybe that happen when he was yelling at Pat Robertson on the tv..  Whatever it was, I am sure it was due to over exertion and stress on the chair.

I have a client who s using "Potato" as his curse word of choice.  However, it has challenges.  It is hard to say " I can't get this potatoing thing to work".  I like "Leaping lemurs" as a curse. Instead of yelling a true expletive when I'm mad, I want to train myself to yell "Leaping Lemurs" and hope it takes off as a cool new trend.  Although I am not cool enough to start a trend...

Okay, that is enough random stuff.  Maybe next time I will get serious again Or not.



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new chapter

Some things defy emotional preparation.  You can read up on expected event and buy the necessary accouterments.  You can talk with others regarding their experiences, but until you have been there, you don't really know how your body and psyche will respond. 

It always makes me puzzled when people say they could never deal with MS.  They could never give themselves a shot or continue to function at work...But I know that they would do what they had to do. 

People frequently say "I would never let my kid do that" about something they see random parents do. But I know that they would be a lot more flexible if they wore those same shoe.

I know there is a culture of people who think they could take down a rouge, crazed gunman if they were only armed themselves, but I know they would surprise themselves with their reactions to the physiological stress.

So, all this to say that I don't think there is any way to know how I will respond when I drop off my son at college tomorrow.  Just as I couldn't know what it would be like to hold his tiny little infant self for the first time, or to bring him home the first time, or to take him to preschool the first time.  To hear him say "I love you" the first time or ride a bike or get hurt or have a croup attack in the middle of the night...any of the million firsts that you experience as a parent.

So I will have to let you know how I experience the moment my son walks out of this house as a permanent resident and walks into his own new chapter as an adult. Sure his room will stay the same (only neater and with less profanity emanating from it while he interact with computer buddies).  And even though it has morphed through the years from a nursery to a playroom to a cluttered teenage mess, the constant as always been my sweet, loud, sloppy, insightful, smart, smart-alacky, wonderful kid.

I will let you know what it is like to walk back into an infinitely quieter, neater, less smelly house.  I will let you know how it feels to not buy chips and Cheerios at the grocery store or to cook without worrying if he will eat something unusual.  It sounds freeing and relaxing, but I think it will be sad and lonely..

.but I am looking forward to stealing his computer chair!