High heel shoes, hiking, drinking alcohol, skating, skiing, going on a walking tour of Europe...
These are a very few of the things that I have given up and/or will never do.
Giving things up or downsizing is a normal part of aging. And it 50 years old, I know I'm no spring chicken. However, it is somewhat disheartening to watch commercials about how active people choose to be after they are retired and realize that there are things I cannot look forward to.
Once I was at the library, and I parked in a handicapped spot. This was a couple of years after I was diagnosed and they didn't need to have a cane at all times, but I was very easily fatigued and couldn't really walk for long periods of time. Parking in handicapped parking allows me to stay in places I want to be for a tiny bit longer. When I went back to my car, someone had left a note on my windshield. They had pulled a deposit slip from their checkbook and written, "You don't look handicapped me. Good job ripping off the taxpayers." I used to joke with my husband that if someone asked me why I was parked in a handicapped spot, I would say that I was blind in one eye and couldn't see so well out of the other. I thought I would take it in stride. But when I read that note, I was flooded with anger and grief. I was angry that someone would think that I would have so little integrity. I realize it was irrational for me to think that he would know what kind of person I was. But I was also angry because he would have such a lack of understanding.
How dare he begrudge me this very small compensation for a disease which takes so much for me.
I would gladly park on the other side of the Moon if I was capable.
MS means that I give up so many things that people take for granted. I know that there are much worse diagnoses out there and that I am very fortunate to have been well insured at the time that I was diagnosed. I had an African-American client whose sister was also diagnosed with MS. She didn't have the proper medical treatment and subsequently went blind and died at a very early age. I still don't understand why my life was worth more than hers, but I realized how fortunate I am to be a white person with an education in this country.
However, it doesn't keep me from feeling sorry for myself sometimes. When people talk about their trips to places like Ireland and Germany which I know are not handicapped accessible, I feel left out.
I feel sad too, when people talk about vacations in places like Hawaii or some other tropical paradise. I can't walk on the beach very well and I'm not supposed to get too hot because myelin doesn't like to conduct nerve impulses in the heat! So a nice warm tropical vacation, while not impossible, does not mean laying around on the beach every day. It means getting to be on the beach once in a while, probably wearing a cooling vest and a big hat to provide shade!
So to the man who left me than the nasty note. I will gladly switch you a handicapped parking space he will take over my multiple sclerosis. Wanna trade?
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