You can go home again...if your old house is a thrift store!


While I was preparing to graduate from High School and go off to college, the rest of my family was preparing to move to St. Charles, Missouri (Suburban St. Louis) so my dad could be the executive director (head honcho, big kahuna, the boss) of the Children's home we left those 7 years back.    I knew they would not be in the parsonage after I moved to Kansas City.   I knew that I would not be coming back to Jefferson City  when I came home for breaks. I knew that the house they moved into would never be "home" for me.  I knew that, in the days before Facebook and unlimited texting, it would be hard to the point of impossible to remain in touch with friends.  The pictures we exchange and the sentiments I wrote  on the back had a poignancy and desperation that surpassed those of my friends (at least in my mind)

I was voted "most dramatic" by my classmates.  While part of the reason was the obvious-being in so many plays.  .But, it was also obvious to anyone with eyes, that I had (had?) a tendency to over dramatize thing.   So little things took on much greater significance and meaning.  I cried Like crazy over everything.  Every tradition, every ending, every goodbye, every filled moving box and empty shelf.   There are some people to whom I said goodbye for the very last time.  My violinist friend Susan, my first crush, Nick, my singing buddy, Cindy.  Those are people I have not seen since, even on Facebook. 

I went to college, made new good friends, went to Grad school, got married...You get the picture.  Friends I have now are just as dear, but their is something about those High School friends...  I consider the parsonage the house where I grew up.  It's where I came of age and hit all those significant milestones.  First dates, first kiss, first heartbreak, first triumphs...

My Dad retired and left the house in St. Charles.  I have lots of good memories there. too.  I even had my Wedding Rehearsal Dinner in that house!  But while I loved it, it was never home.  It was always my Mom and Dad's house.  They now live in a tiny town call Mt. Sterling.  St. Charles was not that far from Jeff City, but Mt. Sterling is a mere 30 minutes, and a trip to the movies or the mall, or the GW (Goodwill) are not a big deal.  Jefferson City has grown a lot.  The northern part of town has a Panera, and Barnes and Nobel.  Arris's Pizza is still the best in town, but now they have a fancy bistro rather than a hole-in-the-wall joint.

The parson had some changes right out of the gate.  New carpet, forced air heat (no more radiators!) and central air.  The new minister moved out of the parsonage, and it quit being a parsonage and served, for a time, as a group home for developmentally delayed adults. I'm sure there are other up grades, too.  Maybe a real built-in dishwasher instead of the portable model we used.  Or maybe even better plumbing...

My sister now lives in New Jersey, so times where we are together are rare.  But two summers ago, we planned  a "girl's outing" in Arrow Rock, Missouri.  We met up in Mount Sterling and had a few days before our scheduled trip.  We went antiquing and to the creek (more on that in another blog), and , of course, went to Jeff for a day.  We went shopping and had lunch, made a trip to Central Dairy(of course!)  and drove by the parsonage.  We were excitedly reminiscing and taking pictures, when a lady came by and asked if she could help us.  When we told her we used to live in the parsonage, she said, "Well! Come on in!  We are closed today, but I will open it up for you!" .

What was she talking about, you may ask.  Well the parsonage  is now a thrift store benefitting a private parochial school!  It is all set up with clothing displays, furniture, knick knacks...You know, thrift store stuff.  We entered the parsonage, our old home, for the first time in over thirty years and the memories poured in.

 Here is the entry hall where I put a hole in the ceiling with one of my sister's color guard flags.  I didn't tell anyone, and Billy ended up taking the blame.  Here was the dining room where my sister used to do her homework.  She always pushed back the tablecloth that covered the big dining room table.  Drove my mom nuts.  Here's the living room where we had the piano.  I used to sit and pound out song melodies and sing along for hours.  Drove my mom AND my sister nuts.  Here's the downstairs powder room where Beth used to practice her flute in the morning.  It still has the exact same wall paper!  We went through each room and talked about all the different aspects of the house.  The kitchen is a private administrative area, but we went in there, too.  We didn't go in the stinky basement and the back staircase is blocked off, but we went upstairs to marvel at how small our bedrooms had gotten over the years.  How could Paul's tiny room curse have been transferred to ALL of us!

The thrift store staff was having a meeting, and they all said how much fun it was to hear stories and think about someone actually living in the house.  Now, whenever I go to Jefferson city,  we head to the parsonage thrift store.  The cashiers always ask us if we have ever been there before.  When I tell the, "Yes.  I used to live here."  they usually think I mean that I used to live in Jefferson City.  I say, "I mean I used to live here" I point down at the floor, "Her in this house"  I can watch their eyes start to get it and the say "Oh!  People come in here all the time and say they used to spend the night in this house, or come to parties in this house!  They must be talking about YOU! 

I have taken lots of pictures in the house and , of course, we took pictures in front of the window! 

I don't always look this horrendous, but it's hard to take a good picture when you are overcome with nostalgia, joy, sadness and million of happy memories! 

 

Long live the parsonage, and visit if you're ever in Jefferson City.  Just be aware, Closed on Wednesday!

Window

One of the best features of the parsonage was the leaded glass window.  I have seen lots of houses with stained glass and leaded glass windows, but I am not that many of them have a big round window like the one in the parsonage.

It was a fairly large  window with a fleur-de-lis in the middle.  It was at the bottom of the stairs and made a perfect photo op.  I have more pictures of that window and those stairs than of any place else in that house.  So today, I am doing a photo gallery of picture of that window and the boys who took me to big events!

Enjoy!

This is homecoming my freshman year with Tom.  One and only time we went on a date.  Nice guy, but no love connection.  Tom recently made the recording of Capital Caroling digital for me.  Maybe I will figure out a way to share it!  Tom is the best!

 This is my sophomore year prom. This is a pretty good shot of the window because you can see the colors. My mom had a giant terrarium on the window sill that was there the whole time.  This is Dan who I had a MAJOR crush on.  I think I like Harry Potter because he reminds me a little of Dan.












This is Beth's graduation later that same spring.  Another good shot of the window with my brother trying to give bunny ears but, even on the steps he couldn't do it!














This is Jere.  One of my all time best friends, who came home from college in Springfield, Mo to go to homecoming with me. You will hear more about Jere in future posts!

This is Jere. too. Home again to be my prom date.  My mom made this dress.  This a better picture of the terrarium than the window.  By the way, Jere is the only person who got to pose by the window on more than one occasion!

This is Kent. He counts as one of my true boyfriends. Good view of the window with Christmas décor. 

 
This is from homecoming with Kent, as well.  He gave ne that doll as a homecoming present. 

This is Senior prom.  I broke up with Kent in March like a dummy so went with m friend Brian.  Mom made that dress , too!  It was beautiful  Two other girls had dresses made from that same pattern, but mine was the prettiest because of the great fabric!

 

So that is the window and a glimpse of me through the years. If we had remained in that house, I am sure we would have had wedding pictures there, too. And I am guessing the terrarium would still be there!

Piggy Pate' and the Polyester  Purple Pantsuit


The rest of the year with Ms. Piggy seemed to get more and more contentious, but the worst conflict yet was regarding yearbook pictures.  I was, I don't remember how or why, the announcement reader.  Every morning, I went to the office at the beginning of second period to read the announcements over the intercom.  Sometimes I did "specials" which were mini advertisements for the new edition of the school newspaper, or the opening of the plays.  ( My friend Cindy and I got in trouble for some semi-off-color jokes a couple of times, but that another story...)

One day, I saw an announcement for drama club yearbook  photos after school.  Since there was an operetta rehearsal after school, I  figured this was an attempt by Miss Piggy to keep me and the other operetta cast members out of the picture.  I also felt as if setting up yearbook pics was my job as president and that I, at least, should have been told that it was happening.  Thinking about this now, I feel I was clueless, a little arrogant and overstepping my place as a student.  But, at the time. I felt perfectly within my rights to refuse to read the announcement until I had some clarity. 

What I remember about the aftermath is probably  skewed, but, somehow, I  ended up being called in to talk to Ms. Piggy and the other drama club sponsor.  I had an okay relationship with her, although  fraught with exasperation on her part.  She was angry and made the point that she had already set up the pictures and talked to Mr. Burkel to have permission for operetta people to be late.  She was understandably mad and was setting appropriate limits.  But Ms. Piggy made it personal and told me I was not special and that I had always acted too big for my britches.  I think she took out all her frustration with the whole program on me and it felt as if her goal was to break me and "put me in my place". 

Since then, I have had encounters with people who wanted me to feel small or who wanted me to grovel, and although upsetting, I am able to understand and manage such things.   But, as a kid who really felt pretty small and insignificant already, it was very puzzling and devastating.  I think that other kids in high school must have thought that  I had a lot of confidence.  When I look at pictures of myself from that time, I can see that I was pretty beautiful.  I see that I was very visible in school and successful in things like getting into plays or having solos in choir, but honestly, I was always surprised when those things happened.  I didn't see myself as one of the popular kids or as particularly cute.  When Ms. Piggy read me the riot act, it hit on all my worst feeling about myself.

I actually really wanted to write about this, even though I know it is not a funny, light hearted story.  I actually had a hard time remembering this incident, and a difficult time admitting my responsibility for all that happened with Ms.  Piggy.  I had my own "mean girl" moments with Ms. Piggy and wish I had been able to have things be different with her.  BUT, Ms. Piggy handled things poorly, too, and she was an adult. 

That day I went to rehearsal and used my feeling and emotions in my scene where I had to tell my father (Tevye) that I did not want to marry the matchmakers choice for me.  I cried for real and think I freaked Robert (Tevye) out a little.  But it ended up being a really good scene, and I thought about having Ms. Piggy come to chew me out and say mean thing every day before that scene!  No, not really.  If I were a better actor, I would have been able to conjure up those feelings on my own! 

Do you know, that after all that, I still tried out for the Spring play and was surprised that I didn't get in?  Duh!  I wasn't sure what I would do with myself without play rehearsals, but I think I had a pretty good time just hanging out with my friends and (gasp) getting homework completed!


There is one more chapter to the Ms. Piggy story.  Ms.  Piggy, whose last name also started with a P and sounded something like goose liver pate', had the unfortunate habit of wearing a purple pantsuit.  Not a good look...Every year, we had a drama club  awards banquet.  We had nominees ala the Oscars and the drama club voted for their choices for thing like best actor and best student director.  Part of the banquet was a student written skit which was a mash-up of all the years plays. I think we named it something like, the case of the purple pantsuit and made some not to subtle digs about Ms. Piggy.

Now, I think that would be a great title for a short story Piggy Pate and the Polyester Purple Pantsuit...

Fiddler on the Roof

The operetta my senior year was Fiddler on the Roof.  I dreamt about being in the operetta like other kids thought of prom or maybe playing the big football  game. I had journal entries from my freshman year expressing the angst I felt when contemplating not getting into the operetta my senior year!  Somehow, it never occurred to me that anything but more talented students would keep me from getting a part.  I thought hard work would be everything I needed.  Now, I felt a threat from within the judging panel itself!   Never mind that I was pretty sure that the rest of the judges would judge me purely on whether or not I could carry the part!  I just didn't know how much weight each judge carried and what clout Miss Piggy had in swaying the other judges opinion!. 

I'm pretty sure Mr. Burkel picked the shows for operetta based on talent pool.  I think he picked Fiddler for the quantity of good female roles since we had so many talented girls that year and barring a bomb of an audition or a broken leg, he probably had a good idea of who would get cast.  But for an 18 year od with esteem issues, it was a much bigger mystery! 

Miss Piggy was always a surprise to me.  I had not really had issues with a teachers in High School.  Even the Phys. Ed teacher liked me, and it was not because of my great athletic ability!  I'm sure that I was annoying and a little demanding, but basically, I was a good kid who was happy to please adults.  I just couldn't please Ms. Piggy.

I did get a good part in the operetta, despite Ms. Piggy's efforts to keep me out.  I should not have been privvy to certain information about the selection process, but it has been 33 years, and some of the key players aren't even around any more, so I am telling what I know/knew.  (I feel scandalous!)

I guess, Ms. Piggy told the other judges that they should not consider giving me a part, because I would probably be unavailable for rehearsals  due to over-involvement.  She then, unwittingly, listed church choir, orchestra, Jefferson City Symphony and probably something else she thought equally as damning.  Unfortunately, Ms. Piggy had not done her homework. She did not realize that the other judges were also involved in those things.  They had known me since 5th grade, knew my dad, and knew that responsibility to those organizations was a priority.  The 2nd/3rd hand story is that Mr. Burkel said to Ms. Piggy, "Miss Baur has been a responsible member of those organizations for years, and she has never allowed her involvement to interfere with participating in school activities"... Or something like that... Rather than ensuring that I did not get a role, she probably solidified it.

I do not want to give the impression that my involvement in Fiddler was just a way to thumb my nose in the face of Ms. Piggy by getting a part.  Contrary.  Being in the operetta was the high point of my senior year if not most of High School.  Rivaled only by having a solo at Capital Caroling, the operetta was everything I had thought about for the last four years.  I got to hang with my friends. I got to sing.  I got to be part of the lead group and feel special.  I got to flirt with the guys and make new friendships with people I thought were too cool to hang with me.  It was just icing to hear Ms. Piggy mispronounce my character's name in front of the whole cast...

Now that I am an adult and have the opportunity to understand her side of the situation, I can see why I was such a thorn in her side.  At our initial meeting, my agenda was to tell her how to run her program.  I wanted her to do things they way (in my mind) they had always been done.  I was bossy and probably seemed entitled to her.  I would have been amusing to an older, more confident, more seasoned teacher.

As a Play Therapist, I have to set limits on kids behavior.  The way to set limits is called  ACT.  I always call it the ACT formula as if it is a Fluoride rinse.  It is, though, equally as effective so, I think that is okay!  ACT stands for Acknowledge the feeling or intention, Communicate the limit, and Target an acceptable alternative. In setting limits with kids, it would look something like this:  "Eli, I know you like to play "cowboy"[acknowledge the intention], but the dog is not for riding like a horse [communicate the limit].  Maybe you could ask Daddy to be your horse". [target the alternative}.  If I was to go back to that first meeting with Ms. Piggy, I would use the ACT method to communicate.  "Ms. Piggy, " (always use the name to ensure they know you are talking to them), "I know how hard it is to be a new teacher, and I am sure you have lots of plans for this year.  However, I am only here for one more year, and I have been looking forward to this year since I was a freshman.  Maybe we can collaborate to keep the old traditions, and blend in some of your new ideas."

Alternatively,  Ms. Piggy could have said, "I imagine that it must be very hard to lose your drama teachers your senior year and I know how important your traditions have become to you.  But since I am here now,  I would love to start some new traditions and share my ideas for the program.  Maybe we could collaborate to come up with some cool ideas."  That's what she could have said and the year would have gone much smoother.

There is more to say about  both Ms. Piggy and about Fiddle on the Roof.  But that's enough for today!

Operettas

The first Operetta I saw was South Pacific.  I was in 7th grade, and the kids all looked so sophisticated to me.  I think my sister must have been playing flute in the pit., and, although I didn't  know him yet, my future friend, Ray/Eeyore, was one of the French children. 

Mr. Burkel was basically the producer/director of the production, with assistance from the drama teachers and the orchestra director.  This, along with Capitol Caroling was his big achievement for the year.  He knew his talent pool, and picked his show accordingly.  I'm pretty sure he picked South Pacific for the girl who played Bloody Mary because she was amazing,  though, to me, all the kids were as good as professionals! (Stage struck!)

The next year, the show was Music Man.  I actually did know some of the kids who were in the band Harold Hill puts together.  And the following year, I was a freshman!

 We did Camelot and I tried out, of course, but since  so did every other drama/choir geek, my chances were pretty much zero.  My sister got the part of Moran Le Fay and I got to play in the pit orchestra.  A word about the pit;  I don't remember any way to get in the pit besides just crawling down the sides.  Over the years, I came to know that many orchestra pits have alternative methods of entry.  At The University of Missouri in Kansas City, where I when to college, the pit was part of the stage when not in use.  During shows, the motorized floor would lower.  The best use of that pit was during accordion concerts.  UMKC was one of the only places where you could get a degree in accordion.  When the accordion orchestra had concerts, they would start off with the pit lowered.  The musicians would start playing, and, as if ascending from Hell, the whole accordion program would emerge.  This really was something to behold!  Here is a link to a youtube of them:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wfx49D_cflc

I remember spending much of my time in the pit attempting so see the show from my really crappy vantage point.  This was especially problematic when I rubbernecked while trying to play!  Intonation be damned, I want to watch the show!  My mom made that Morgan  Le Fay Costume and it got worn for many a Halloween concerts while I was at UMKC.

My sophomore year we did Annie Get Your Gun.  I was pretty sure I would get a part when my Orchestra teacher asked me if I would rather have a  small part on stage or play in the orchestra.  I am sure I disappointed him when I didn't even think about it  and just screamed "Stage!"  So when the cast list came out, I was not that surprised to see my name on it as one of Annie's little sisters.  This was especially apropos since Beth was Annie.  We,were playing a back woods family, so Beths first appearance on stage, was in a gunny sack dress.  Lovely!

 In one scene we were traveling on a ship with Buffalo Bill's Wild West show One of Annie sister's had a line  about playing with the rats below deck.  In another scene, for some reason, my character was not mentioned in the libretto, even though the other sisters were.  During long off-stage breaks, sometimes we would head to Central Dairy.  Since I wasn't in that scene and had awhile until my next appearance, I figured I was due for a junior delight sundae and headed out to Central Dairy.  When I got back, Mr. Bukel said sternly "Miss Baur, you missed your scene."  I was surprised and said, "But I'm not in that scene in the libretto!"  he said, "Well, why not?  Where else would you be?"  And I replied, not even trying to be snarky, "I guess I'm downstairs playing with the rats."  He turned away for a moment, and, at the time, I thought he was angry.   In hindsight, I think he was trying to keep a straight face.  He turned back and said, "Well, I  think you should be in that scene".  Although I was always glad to have more stage time, I did miss my Central Dairy breaks!

The next year we did the  Sound of Music.  I was cast as one of the nuns, and got to sing a little one line solo.  The other nuns and I tried to find the most risqué thing we could to wear under our habits. The other girls always out did me because, the only underwear I had was one step away from granny panties.  I think I borrowed a tee shirt from a friend that said "Bitch" on it and I wore that 'cause I figured that was pretty irreverent for a nun!

That brings us to senior year.  Ms.Piggy (the new drama teacher, not the Muppet) figures in this episode, so I will save it for next time!

Senior serious drama

The saintly, patient drama teachers left the school after my junior year.  I take direct responsibility and blame... No, of course, they needed to move on.  They were a young hip couple who probably found greener pastures.    As the president of the Drama Club (go figure), my goal was to continue to have traditions remain, at least during my tenure!  I asked the new Drama teacher and her assistant to
lunch with myself and the other drama club officers.  I won't mention names here, but the new Drama teacher's name rhymed with Piggy, so I will refer to her as Piggy for purposes of this  blog. 

If you are a teacher and you have a new position replacing a popular teacher, take some advice.  Do not disparage the previous teacher.  Do not change popular traditions, at least not at first.  Get the newer kids on board with your agenda, but please do not get rid of the old guard.  They will graduate soon enough and old traditions will be forgotten.

Miss Piggy did not have such sage advice to follow.  The assistant sponsor was an English Teacher and seemed a tad more savvy.  I did not ingratiate myself with either at the luncheon.  But they, especially Miss Piggy didn't sit well with me, either.  Fasten your seat belts. We're in for a bumpy Senior year!

The Fall play went okay.  We did Cheaper by the Dozen and I actually did not play a maid. We had a good time, and I even hosted the cast party at the parsonage!

Me, my boyfriend, Kent ( who played my brother in the play (eww), and my best friend Cindy in the dining room at the parsonage. See the pocket door behind me?  Love those!

 

 

 

 

 

The problems with Miss Piggy started at Homecoming.  Each club/organization was supposed to put together a float for the Homecoming parade.  Floats take time, and even though I was president, putting together  float was not on my agenda.  I couldn't even ride on it since I had to march with the Jayettes, which was our pep club with uniforms and everything,  The sponsor, who was the PE teacher, liked me for some reason, and I didn't want to tick her off.  Somehow, even though we had meetings about the float and even had a float committee, since I was busy and couldn't attend the actual creation process more than a few times, I took  heat from Miss Piggy for not being involved enough.  The float never got made and just a handful of kids dressed in costumes, carried  banner and marched. 

 

I probably was a terrible president, but it didn't help that the teacher/sponsors were new and couldn't guide me.  I actually take responsibility for many thing, and am aware of my mistakes, but in this case, an adult has culpability for making a relationship with an 18 year old work more smoothly.  That's how I roll now when working with teens,  and I think Miss Piggy could have been A LOT more sensitive. 

 

I think this is a good place to leave you hanging!  Next stop, the operettas... 

 

 

 

Sophomore and Junior Drama

I got some pretty good parts my Sophomore year.  We did She Stoops to Conquer in the Fall, and Beth had the lead (of course).  I got to play the maid.  Hey, wait a minute!  Not so great a part!  Beth took acting seriously.  I wanted to be I plays because we got to mess around and have fun between scenes.  At that stage of the drama game, I was more interested in who was also off stage at the same time. But, I got to use a fake British accent in that show. I had my friend, Christopher Robin...er,  Martin, give me some lessons.  For Evening of drama, I was in Animal Farm and my character was described as a stocky and Matronly.  That was an esteem builder!  I did get to sing, though and that was fun.  Spring play was The Miracle Worker, and Beth was...not in it!  Oh the agony for a budding actor!  I was the old maid aunt and had to wear ugly aging makeup.  More esteem building...

My sister took acting seriously.  She was an artist and being in the plays for her was honing her craft.  For me, it was a way to stay connected with my friends and stay in the public eye! Plus, the smartest, funniest, most creative people I knew were all in drama.  The little theater became  hangout spot.  I even used to sneak down during school because it had a private bathroom I could use.  The girls restroom during breaks, was no place to go if you had to pee!  All the tough girls hung out there and smoked and called "redneck" and "Dork" and worse!  

Beth made up for not getting a part by being a student director.  She actually understood her role and took it seriously.  I didn't get into the fall play my junior year, so did a stint at student directing myself.  The drama teachers must have been saints because, once again they had to put up with my cluelessness! 

The high point of junior year was a play called The Real Inspector Hound. First off, I had a wacky role and actually had a lot of fun.  Secondly, all my best friends were in it, and lastly it's went I started dating my one true high school boyfriend, Kent.  So I managed to combine three of my main reasons for being in high school to that one play! 

Another thing I liked about the Little Theater, was the dressing rooms.  There was an open make-up area and then private dressing rooms for boys and girls.  The one and only time I ever watched the show Dallas, was the "who shot JR" episode.   I don't remember what play that was, but one of the guys had a little black and white tv in the boys dressing room.  Some yelled, "It's on!" , and everyone crammed into the boys dressing room, in various stages of undress, to see who shot JR. 

Martin and I goofing around in the makeup room.  I was the maid (again!   Type casting?) and he was the debonair Inspector or something like that...

 

Stephanie and Phil (doing his Rex Reed impersonation) in costume.

 

Which brings me to my senior year. I'll save that for later