More insight
I have let this blog become something that causes me anxiety. I have decided that it is something I "should" do and that I "should" write specific thing. It is no longer enjoyable when I put limits and expectations into the content.
So, in order for maintenance of my mental health, I am gong to write in a more spontaneous, here's- what-I'm-thinking-today kind of way. Here goes.
I have the old phone that I used in my first apartment. It is a princess style push-button, colored that hideous 1970's burnt orange. It weighs as much as a small Subaru. I'm pretty sure that it was rented from the phone company, which is what they did in the olden days. You eventually owned the phone, apparently. Either that, or I just never returned it! I threw that phone against the wall once after breaking up with one of my boyfriends. I used it in at least three apartments, maybe even after grad school. I don't know how it ended up still being a thing in my life or how it migrated to my office to become a play therapy toy. All I know is, it's still with me. The kids love it.
My sister has something similar that she uses as a prop with teenage theater students. Her phone is even older than mine. It is a standard black rotary model. Although my touch tone push buttons are fodder for ridicule, her rotary dial poses an epic challenge. Her students are unsure of how to make the dial turn, doing things like just punching the hole over the number or tying to open the phone like a combination lock.
My sister and I may seem to be in highly disparate professions. (Psychotherapist vs actor and acting instructor/coach), but we are always surprised at how many similarities there are in how we go about reaching our goals. (That particular situation will likely end up in future blogs.) But today, I want to share my favorite phone story.
This is a sad, nostalgic story, in that current and future generations will never have the opportunity to experience the joy and satisfaction of slamming the receiver into the the cradle after an angry conversation with your mother. Caller ID has rendered the ability to crank call your arch enemy, asking him things like if he has Prince Albert in a can (better go let him out) or if his refrigerator is running (better go catch it), or my personal fave, "This is the Jefferson City sewage company, and we've had just about enough outta you!"
And this story, concerning old fashioned phones, would never have occurred in the modern days of cell phones and text messages.
My sister had a job as a tour guide at the Missouri state Capitol building. Most days she provided guided tours, pointing out the rotunda whisper gallery acoustics and the beautiful Thomas Hart Benton paintings. Or she was assigned to the Governor's mansion where she could point out interesting architectural details. But on this particular day, she was assigned to Loman's landing. It was an infrequently visited tourist sight with two building's. I guess it was pretty boring
I also guess that's why she called me. She had too much time to think about stuff.
Our house had two phones. One on the kitchen wall, and one on my Dad's desk, in his office upstairs. If you picked up the receiver of one phone, you could listen in to the conversation occurring on the other. My brother went through a period where he liked to try to listen in to our private talks. If you didn't hear him picking up the other phone, you would be able to hear him breathing. If you quietly said,"Paul, get off the other line.",he would yell down, I'm not on the other line". There was almost never anything interesting for him to hear, anyway
This was the days before portable phones. The receiver was tethered to the "call box" with a curly cord that got shorter as it tangled. Every once in a while, you had to let the receiver dangle on the cord so it could unwind itself. But even at it longest, you only had about five feet to move before you were rudely stopped like a dog on a leash.
I was too young for a real job, but old enough to be home alone during the day. The phone rang, and I ran to answer. This was also the days before answering machines, so we all jumped at the sound, just like a caveman being tapped on the shoulder. The tap could just be a neighbor inviting you to his cave for dinner, or it could be a saber tooth tiger testing out the tenderness of his possible prey. You never knew who could be calling.
The phone ringing interrupted whatever very important thing I was doing; probably watching TV or eating a whole rasher of bacon or singing along to a show tune as I banged out the melody on the piano (I did this A LOT).
I answered "Hello?"
"Amy, you gotta clean out my fish bowl for me!" She was almost out of breath in her panicked state. "I didn't have time to do it this morning, and now Fred and Ginger are both gonna DIE if you don't!"
Did I mention she is a little dramatic.
"No" i answered. I was loving having the power to thwart her desires.
"Please!!!"She was begging now, with a little sob in her voice. "Think of poor Fred and Ginger!"
"No. I'm not cleaning your fish bowl. Your fish will be fine if you do it when you get home".
"I don't have time tonight! I'm going out, right after work!!!"
"Oh well, you'll have to get new fish, cause I'm not doing it"
"Fine! Be that way!" Slam!
I got to hear the loud clunk as she hung up on me. Oh well> I got back to whatever very important thing I was doing. But just as I started whatever it was, the phone rang again. I was pretty sure it was her calling back. Ring ring ring ring....ten, eleven, twelve times. No answering machines in those days, remember? What if it wasn't her? What if it was my mom checking in? She'll be furious. What if it was someone trying to reach my Dad? What if it was an emergency?
I answered, "Hello?"
"Bitch!"
Somethings never change
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
More theology
I am veering from my reminiscing today because I had a little epiphany last night.
If you have read past blogs, you will know about my brand of theology. I am sure that there are people who would say I am an atheist because I don't subscribe to the conventional idea of a God we have to come to though religion and faith. I am not a-theist;without an idea of God or a faith. It's just an evolving idea, informed by religious traditions and cemented in science.
Here is my epiphany, This my seem as if it is just a re-hash of my older thought, but it was not. Do you know how,when Eliza Doolittle finally understood what Professor Higgins was trying to teach her in My Fair Lady? It was the proverbial light bulb going off in her head moment when she was finally able to say, The rain in Spain is falling on the Plain" without a Cockney accent. I was finally able to FEEL what I have always believed in my head.
I have always said that God is everything and everywhere; responsible for all life and all creation of all that exists in the universe. But last nigh I finally understood that at a cellular level. The full meaning of the force that we call God simply being the surrounding everything like soup that is capable of permeating into you very bones and that IS your consciousness.
We mess things up when we give God a personality. Whether it an old man with a beard (who likes an awful lot like Santa Claus, living on a cloud in heaven and sending out gifts to the faithful with angels instead of eves!), or Morgan Freeman passing on the title to Jim Carrey. We do a grave injustice to the vastness og this thing we call God. We ell ourselves short by denying that we cannot be separate from that vast creative force.
We are also being arrogant and misguided in the thought that, somehow, if we just live correctly and say the right thing, that we will be any more worthy of God's love than anyone or anything else. It is the epitome of arrogance to believe that some personality of God just decided to throw some people onto a planet to see if they could sink or swim. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we are the result of an accident in nature.
In no way do I think this makes humanity less worthy of love and respect.I think everyone should be in awe that the force that creates everything was able to create this remarkable world and this remarkable universe. I just think that in a universe this vast, expansive and varied, we think that we are any more marvelous than anything else in said universe. I think it is a very big mistake to limit ourselves to a narrow way of thinking about anything.
I also think we are ridiculous in our idea that "God" is responsible for suffering. That, somehow, God would knowingly allow a child to be abused or people to starve or a hurricane to wipe out an entire city, He didn't reach down and say "I think I'll give that one Multiple Sclerosis because she was mean to her sister, or just because I like to see how people deal with stuff. God doesn't do this. Nature,which is way much bigger of a force than humanity, does this without any idea that this is a good or bad thing. It just is because it is.
Here was the other part of my epiphany. I have always believed that "God is Love". But the reverse of that statement is the real truth. Love is God. I think that, if we are truly understanding of that force that creates all, it would feel like love. Not because it decided to, but because that is the feeling that that energy gives us. It like fire is hot and ice is cold. That just its property. The property and essence of that God force feels like the most profound and amazing love. People confuse that with a personality that has to choose to bestow love somehow. That energy has no choice in the matter. It just is what it is.
Next time I will write about smaller.less complicated thing again!
g
\
I am veering from my reminiscing today because I had a little epiphany last night.
If you have read past blogs, you will know about my brand of theology. I am sure that there are people who would say I am an atheist because I don't subscribe to the conventional idea of a God we have to come to though religion and faith. I am not a-theist;without an idea of God or a faith. It's just an evolving idea, informed by religious traditions and cemented in science.
Here is my epiphany, This my seem as if it is just a re-hash of my older thought, but it was not. Do you know how,when Eliza Doolittle finally understood what Professor Higgins was trying to teach her in My Fair Lady? It was the proverbial light bulb going off in her head moment when she was finally able to say, The rain in Spain is falling on the Plain" without a Cockney accent. I was finally able to FEEL what I have always believed in my head.
I have always said that God is everything and everywhere; responsible for all life and all creation of all that exists in the universe. But last nigh I finally understood that at a cellular level. The full meaning of the force that we call God simply being the surrounding everything like soup that is capable of permeating into you very bones and that IS your consciousness.
We mess things up when we give God a personality. Whether it an old man with a beard (who likes an awful lot like Santa Claus, living on a cloud in heaven and sending out gifts to the faithful with angels instead of eves!), or Morgan Freeman passing on the title to Jim Carrey. We do a grave injustice to the vastness og this thing we call God. We ell ourselves short by denying that we cannot be separate from that vast creative force.
We are also being arrogant and misguided in the thought that, somehow, if we just live correctly and say the right thing, that we will be any more worthy of God's love than anyone or anything else. It is the epitome of arrogance to believe that some personality of God just decided to throw some people onto a planet to see if they could sink or swim. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we are the result of an accident in nature.
In no way do I think this makes humanity less worthy of love and respect.I think everyone should be in awe that the force that creates everything was able to create this remarkable world and this remarkable universe. I just think that in a universe this vast, expansive and varied, we think that we are any more marvelous than anything else in said universe. I think it is a very big mistake to limit ourselves to a narrow way of thinking about anything.
I also think we are ridiculous in our idea that "God" is responsible for suffering. That, somehow, God would knowingly allow a child to be abused or people to starve or a hurricane to wipe out an entire city, He didn't reach down and say "I think I'll give that one Multiple Sclerosis because she was mean to her sister, or just because I like to see how people deal with stuff. God doesn't do this. Nature,which is way much bigger of a force than humanity, does this without any idea that this is a good or bad thing. It just is because it is.
Here was the other part of my epiphany. I have always believed that "God is Love". But the reverse of that statement is the real truth. Love is God. I think that, if we are truly understanding of that force that creates all, it would feel like love. Not because it decided to, but because that is the feeling that that energy gives us. It like fire is hot and ice is cold. That just its property. The property and essence of that God force feels like the most profound and amazing love. People confuse that with a personality that has to choose to bestow love somehow. That energy has no choice in the matter. It just is what it is.
Next time I will write about smaller.less complicated thing again!
g
\
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Journey onward
Have I mentioned that I didn't start in college as a Psychology major? I went to The University of Missouri in Kansas City to go to the Conservatory of Music. I actually (this is bragging) got a full ride scholarship to play the cello in the orchestra. I was supposed to play in The civic orchestra of Kansas City, too, but I conveniently forgot that part. Several of us had the same scholarship, and when they would go to Civic rehearsals, I would wonder why my scholarship didn't stipulate attendance. Years later I was looking through the scrap book my friend Carole gave me as a graduation gift after high school. Lo and behold, the letter did mention something about membership in the /civic orchestra being one of the requirement. Oops! Can they take back my degree?
Just like everyone else in their first venture away from home full-time, I discovered a lot of things about myself that year. I discovered that my endless pursuit of popularity in high school, held very little panache or prestige in college. I wish I could say that these things were profound and included a lovely coming-of-age moment. It was really things like: It is really nice to sleep in on Sunday morning; I was a lot cuter than I ever thought I was; I was better at a lot of things than some of the other kids; I was worse at a lot of things than some of the other kids; it could be much cooler and more fun to hang out with the kids I would have considered "hoods" (that's what we called the bad kids at my high school) than with the kids I usually hung with. And the most important thing was that I had no desire to spend 4-6 hours a day in a practice room in the basement of the Performing Arts Center.
I have come to understand that, just like real writers enjoying the process of committing words to a page, real musicians enjoy the process of perfecting the musical phrase exiting their instrument. I liked the process of rehearsing with the whole orchestra, and I enjoyed playing concerts. But I was more enamored with dressing up to look fancy and being on stage than I was with knowing that I was contributing to the glorious whole of creating a musical experience. I really do like classical music and I love those sound of a well-played cello, But I am not committed enough to making myself create that sound. Plus, I never really had the chops. I was competent, but not inspired.
So, I discovered, that I was a lot more interested in the people playing the instruments than how rthey played their instruments. So I switched to a psychology major after my freshmen year and breathed a sigh of relief. In order to keep my scholarship, I had to continue to play in the orchestra and take some music classes, so I actually ended up with a double major.
Here are some of the thing I learned during the course of my undergraduate education. some of the things were in class, and a lot of it was just during life.
1, Most of college is about showing up and being able to stay the course. You have to be competent enough to complete reports and take tests at an expected level, using correct grammar and punctuation, and knowing how to format correctly. I'm not trivializing how hard it can be, it's just that much more of success in higher education is about committing to it. Question:What do you call the guy who ranked last in his medical school graduating class? Answer : Doctor.
2. It is okay to not be perfect (see above joke) But, it does not punish your professor to do poorly in his or her class class just because you think he or she is an ass. You're the one who gets the bad grade.
Which leads to
3. There are some crappy teachers and there are phenomenal teachers. Find the ones who are great and get as many credit hours as you can from them.
I think that enough for now. But as I write I am having some actual insight (imagine that) about things I discovered during my education that I will explore next time. For now, peace out, baby!
Have I mentioned that I didn't start in college as a Psychology major? I went to The University of Missouri in Kansas City to go to the Conservatory of Music. I actually (this is bragging) got a full ride scholarship to play the cello in the orchestra. I was supposed to play in The civic orchestra of Kansas City, too, but I conveniently forgot that part. Several of us had the same scholarship, and when they would go to Civic rehearsals, I would wonder why my scholarship didn't stipulate attendance. Years later I was looking through the scrap book my friend Carole gave me as a graduation gift after high school. Lo and behold, the letter did mention something about membership in the /civic orchestra being one of the requirement. Oops! Can they take back my degree?
Just like everyone else in their first venture away from home full-time, I discovered a lot of things about myself that year. I discovered that my endless pursuit of popularity in high school, held very little panache or prestige in college. I wish I could say that these things were profound and included a lovely coming-of-age moment. It was really things like: It is really nice to sleep in on Sunday morning; I was a lot cuter than I ever thought I was; I was better at a lot of things than some of the other kids; I was worse at a lot of things than some of the other kids; it could be much cooler and more fun to hang out with the kids I would have considered "hoods" (that's what we called the bad kids at my high school) than with the kids I usually hung with. And the most important thing was that I had no desire to spend 4-6 hours a day in a practice room in the basement of the Performing Arts Center.
I have come to understand that, just like real writers enjoying the process of committing words to a page, real musicians enjoy the process of perfecting the musical phrase exiting their instrument. I liked the process of rehearsing with the whole orchestra, and I enjoyed playing concerts. But I was more enamored with dressing up to look fancy and being on stage than I was with knowing that I was contributing to the glorious whole of creating a musical experience. I really do like classical music and I love those sound of a well-played cello, But I am not committed enough to making myself create that sound. Plus, I never really had the chops. I was competent, but not inspired.
So, I discovered, that I was a lot more interested in the people playing the instruments than how rthey played their instruments. So I switched to a psychology major after my freshmen year and breathed a sigh of relief. In order to keep my scholarship, I had to continue to play in the orchestra and take some music classes, so I actually ended up with a double major.
Here are some of the thing I learned during the course of my undergraduate education. some of the things were in class, and a lot of it was just during life.
1, Most of college is about showing up and being able to stay the course. You have to be competent enough to complete reports and take tests at an expected level, using correct grammar and punctuation, and knowing how to format correctly. I'm not trivializing how hard it can be, it's just that much more of success in higher education is about committing to it. Question:What do you call the guy who ranked last in his medical school graduating class? Answer : Doctor.
2. It is okay to not be perfect (see above joke) But, it does not punish your professor to do poorly in his or her class class just because you think he or she is an ass. You're the one who gets the bad grade.
Which leads to
3. There are some crappy teachers and there are phenomenal teachers. Find the ones who are great and get as many credit hours as you can from them.
I think that enough for now. But as I write I am having some actual insight (imagine that) about things I discovered during my education that I will explore next time. For now, peace out, baby!
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