I'v'e decided not to make New Year resolutions. Instead, I am setting goals. The goal for this blog is to write something every day to make this a true blog.
That means that you will be reading a lot of brain drool/free association.
In the mean time, here is something I started a few weeks ago. It is a good rundown of my year
I want to be present and creative. I want to share and connect. I think, at my best, being able to make connections is my genius and being able to inspire is my calling.
However, at my worst I am lazy and whiny and a little self-centered. I am working on being more self-aware and less paralyzed by my own pity parties.
So this returning blog is to be purge of demons keeping me safely mired in my worst traits. There are two things that have left me wrung out, angry and self-absorbed. First off, my health has been just awful this year. In addition to the obvious chronic and subtly progressing MS, there was the Shingles and more recently, arthritis in my shoulders. This may seem to be no big deal, but is makes my biceps ache all the time and disrupts my sleep even more than in the past. Sleep is highly underrated!
Did you know that scientist can't explain why our bodies need to sleep? Recently, an experiment on mice suggested that certain cleansing chemical in their brains were released during the deepest sleep stages, carrying away toxins which developed during the day. So it is likely that this same process occurs in human. (My scientific knowledge comes from National Public Radio, so it may be a little slow and only partially correct, but deal with it). So, to me, the question is: which came first? Poor sleep habits, leading to disease, or the disease disrupting sleep keeping the brain from cleaning itself out thus creating more disease? I guess I don't give two hoot in reality. I just know I hate not sleeping.
Most recently I had acute appendicitis (that is acute not a cute) so ended up in the hospital AGAIN for an emergency appendectomy. Fortunately, I was able to have the surgery laproscopic-ly so I didn't have a huge recovery. I have been told that this was REALLY fortunate since a could have been sliced wide open and had, like a month of recovery. The worst things were:
1). I despise being a hospital patient, just like every other sane person I know
2) I hadn't eaten anything for 12 hours before I went to the ER and was whisked to the OR. After any surgery, one is not aloud to eat until they have passed gas. I have never yelled "I farted!" with such glee since I was in the first grade and was trying to get a rise out of my sister,
The only thing that made my stay a little interesting, was when I pulled out my IV, I guess my appendix gave my surgeon a hard time and got all stiff and ready to blow and didn't wan to come out.
Consequently, due to how long I had to be in surgery, they put me on massive quantities of IV antibiotics. I was getting fairly adept at making the IV pole another appendage, but I guess I got a little over-confident. I reached for something, heard a pop, and watched as blood began to gush from the hole in my wrist where a needle had been. I drug my self to the bathroom and pulled the panic cord and prayed I wouldn't bleed out in the meantime. It looked like pints of blood were pouring from that tiny hole! The nurse came and got me cleaned up, but there was blood everywhere! They sent up housekeeping, and the sweet Latino lady who was stuck with the job, just kept looking at me and saying :Bloo-da! I thought she might have been calling me a bruja (witch).
The nurse on the next shift ask me how I was doing and said she heard it looked like a murder scene in my room.
The other thing that has been bothering me much more than my poor health even (if that's possible) is the derailment of my career and the role of my ex-business partner in the situation. She really knocked me off course!
When I was at Lifelink years ago, one of my child clients went home to her foster mom and told her I had "touched her privates". Even though the family knew me pretty well and did not feel this was something I would do, the statement was taken seriously and soon I found myself being reported to child protective services. I was suspended from seeing children in therapy even though no one ever thought this was a credible report. Fortunately, the investigators were very responsive and expunged the report as soon as possible. At the time, I thought this was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. After all was said and done I had a delayed physical reaction and couldn't physically function for a couple of days. I think I didn't really let myself feel the full extent of how stressful this situation was until after the fact.
I think the situation with my ex-partner has been impacting on me that way.
I was going to run through the whole situation, but I think I just want to move on and leave all that stuff behind in the new year.
So you WILL hear from e tomorrow. I am (sorta) confident that the new year will be smooth sailing...at least until it isn't!
Happy new year everybody!
