My Blog, my nemesis...

Okay, I've decided to only write when I am in the mood and have something to share.  Otherwise, it becomes a chore and is no fun and I over think and get boring or preachy.  So, I hope I can be consistent, but I will only be consistent when it is fun.. So today I am sharing some pics from high school.  My friend, Jere told me that I should put these on my blog so here they are.  

A word of explanation.  Jere had a cool silver car we called the silver streak.  The Car's Candy-O album had just come out and Jere wanted me to recreate the pose.  I had not seen the album so I sisn't know what he wanted me to do.  I never did get it right.  Here is the album cover art:

  Here I am being completely clueless.

I am wearing a leotard Jere bought me for the occasion:

Even if I would have done the pose correctly, there is no way I would have done the album justice,  My lady parts were not up to the task for sure, I don't even ask what I was thinking with the hair!  Plus ther is no way I was not wearing the skirt!

Sorry, Jere did you think I would leave that one out?!

Who do I want to be?

I haven't written because, once again, I have let myself try to write this blog like some kind of essay instead of just letting myself talk on the page.  I write better pre-edit and not thinking about it to much.

So here goes nothin...

I had an argument/discussion with my client about whether it is really possible for people to do what ever they want.  You get told as a kid that you can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it.  In some ways, I totally believe that.  Humans are amazing creatures with the capacity to create any eventuality.  But the truth is, that unless you have an unflagging belief, some support and are willing to jump through hoops, it isn't always possible to do anything you want.

Ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up, and you will get a concrete answer. When's the last time you heard a kids say they wanted to be an investment banker or am intellectual property lawyer?  Kids want to be  something they can actually see!  For my son, it was to be a "destruction worker".  He actually did a pretty good job with that one with no experience at all!  My nephew, Tyler wanted to be an Egyptologist, which sounds pretty abstract, but he really wanted to find Mummies and dig in the dirt!  My nephew, Robbie, wanted to be a race car driver.  His dad (my brother) told him that was fine as long as he went to college.  What kind of degree do you get to be a race care driver?  My youngest nephew, Alex wanted to be "a major rock star".   Not just a regular rock star.  A MAJOR one...

The point is, that, kids are still formulating who they are and where their interest lie.  In a perfect world, every kid could be free enough to dream big and feel they have a chance to be a major rock star when they grow up.  In reality, some kids just want to grow up!

My client pointed out to me that not everyone could do anything they wanted.  In my family, there was never a question that you were going to college, even if you wanted to be a race car driver.  It was never a question of "if you go to college"  it was "where are you going to college?" Once you were there, you could study anything you wanted, but you were going.  This became an unquestioned meme which was also accompanied by a lot of support and a significant value placed on education.  But what about families without the undying belief in the right to higher education?

When I worked at Lifelink Corporation providing therapy to foster children, I quit asking kids what they wanted to be when they grew after one of the kids answered,  "If I grow up, I want to be a Police man"  IF I grow up! So it really is not true that all kids start on a level playing field, believing that they are just as capable as everyone else.  Not everyone is capable of becoming a major rock star, or a major league athlete or a supermodel.  It doesn't matter how much you believe in yourself, you're not all that likely to win American Idol.

After talking with my client, I have decided to rephrase the question.  I don't want to know what kids want to do.   I want to know WHO they are going to be.  The argument/discussion with my client happened when he told me he was worried that he would end up a bitter, lonely alcoholic, just like his dad.  I told him that  he could decide to be different.  He could choose to be anyway he wanted to be.  He got angry and said "That's simply not true.  I can't be anything I want to be!"  He is quick to anger, but tolerant of my explanations. I didn't say you can do anything you want to do.  I said you can be anyway you want to be.  It is always 100% in your power to act, think, behave the way you want.  No one else gets to decide how you feel or how you act.

I actually hate when people say "No one can make you mad.  You make yourself mad."  That makes me so mad!  Actually, I may hate that way of saying it, but I love that I always get to decide how and who am going to be in any situation.  If I'm an asshole, it is because I decided to be an asshole. If I am nice to people, it is my choice.  Terri Kottmann, my Play Therapy idol, asks herself if she has been additive today.  She means did she add to peoples lives in her interactions with them.  Did she smile as the person she passed on the street?  Was she nice to the cashier at the grocery store? Every interaction is an opportunity to make someones life better or at least more cheerful.  You can choose to be additive if that's who you want to be!


Instead of asking kids what they want to be, we should ask them who they want to be.   Are they persistent and are they willing to struggle? Are they tolerant of differences?  Are they curious?  Are they empathic and willing to help.  Why isn't there a test for competence in these areas?  These skills will get you just as far or farther than knowing how to do logarithms  ( or even what the heck that is!)  I bet there are a lot of  great kids who miss out because they can't get a 26 on the ACT!  Who we are is so much more mportant than what we are.  Who we are helps know what we want to do and do it!  Have logarithms ever done that!

So ask yourself who you want to be right now and then be it.

I's been hard to write lately for a variety of reasons.

One big thing is this weather.  When I moved to Michigan from Missouri for grad school,  people frequently asked me if I had ever seen snow.  They also commented on my southern accent.  Missouri may have an accent but it ain't southern and I had seen plenty of snow.  How far south do they think Missouri is?

However, now that I am here in Chicago, I can honestly say, this snow is different from mid-Missouri snow.  Not the content necessarily, but the sheer quantity and staying power of it.  I remember the big piles of snow that were created by snow plows, but they generally stayed on the perimeters of parking lots.  Here, they are everywhere, including my own driveway.  In fact, we pay someone else to plow it, and the plow guy insisted on marking the edges of the driveway with stick so he could tell where is is. I thought that was overkill, but now the ends of the sticks are just barely visible over the huge piles of snow along the edge of the drive!

The snow texture is not conducive to anything other than impeding one's ability to move.  It is powder at first, than icy and slick.  Not packable enough for snow balls or good snowmen.  It may be okay for cross country skiing, if I could stand up on skis, that is.  It might e okay for sledding, but, oh yeah, we have no hills around here. I take that back, there is a fake hill in the park for sledding.  It is okay for a day or two, depending on the snow quantity, but then becomes a mud slide, with ruts where the kids have run their sleds over the same place thousands of times.

The cold is  another issue all together.    Everyone knows that Chi-town is cold (cooler still near the lake, as they say.) But someone needs to remind Chicago that it is not part of the polar north or the arctic circle and dial these temperature back to a livable number.  Yesterday, it was 15 below, for Dog's sake!   And that was before the wind chill!

The only thing good about the cold is the possibility that I may be able to literally freeze my ass off.  That would be okay...Go outside and have your ass fall off when you get back.  Lose at least 25-30 pounds with the Freeze-your-ass-off plan!

Actually, cooler weather is better for MS.  The cooler temps keep the myelin from swelling and blocking those nerve impulses.  Unfortunately, it doesn't make cleats grow on your feet, so the slippery sidewalks are still hazardous to my well being.

In addition to the grinding cold and and piles of snow, I also hate the short days.  It's always dark.  Even during the few hours that the sun is not on the other side of the earth, it is obscured by clouds dumping or threatening to dump more crap on my driveway.  MS is linked to vitamin D deficiency and the only way to really get vitamin D, in the necessary quantity, is through sun exposure.  Not happening in Chicago!

So, since I am having a hard time writing around the winter weather, enjoy these photos of my snow and ice experience.

The driveway pile

The sledding hill (The only one for miles)

office view

Not comfortable for sitting!